We Walk By Faith, Not By Sight

The broader challenge is overcoming complex trauma (CPTSD) and societal constructs like religion which obscures our true power.

I live by faith, not by sight, a principle that shapes my life despite profound challenges. As a child, I trusted instinctively, but trauma—starting in the womb at five months, continuing through ages 3, 7, 12, 16, and 21—shifted me to survival mode. Family, especially my father’s neglect and my grandmother’s hatred, was the primary source of this trauma, leaving deep insecurities in me and my siblings. My sister turned to crime and died two years ago; my brother channeled his pain into rage. I survived two murder attempts by him and malignant hypertension that left me deaf and stripped of my motor skills.

I relearned to walk, talk, and read, but adversity triggers “Survivor Peter,” an intense, unpleasant version of myself. At 44, I still don’t know “normal.” A recent misunderstanding, caused by my hearing impairment led to my son’s firing from a job at a company I worked for 24 years ago. This reopened old wounds from my own firings, pushing me into a three-day spiral of anger. My son, however, handled it with grace, even joking about the absurdity of his dismissal over $10.33.

Talking through my career with a retired friend revealed a pattern: despite my deafness and trauma, I’ve always excelled by problem-solving out loud, proving my value to employers. This reflection showed me that things always work out, which I attribute to faith or a higher power meeting my needs. Sharing my story with a new friend, who encouraged me to write a book, helped me see my womb trauma as the root of my insecurities.

The broader challenge is overcoming complex trauma (CPTSD) and societal constructs like religion, which I see as deceptive tools that obscure our true power. We’re enslaved by the belief that we’re enslaved, a self-reinforcing cycle only we can break by rebuilding our best selves through faith. Challenges are growth opportunities, and staying the course strengthens that faith.

My deafness, caused by toxic medication, isolated me from childhood friends and the Deaf community, as ASL never suited my detailed thinking style. An ASL interpreter, Barbara-Jean Slopey, helped me navigate this, but after moving and becoming a father, I focused on new responsibilities. Now, I aim to let go of my father’s damage, embrace faith, and move forward, knowing all challenges are chances to grow.

Key Points

• Faith vs. Sight: Faith is my guiding principle, despite CPTSD shifting me to survival mode.
• Trauma’s Impact: Early family trauma, starting in the womb, caused lasting insecurities.
• Survivor Peter: Adversity triggers intense reactions, but reflection shows I’ve always overcome challenges.
• Deafness and Communication: I problem-solve by talking, not ASL, which isolated me from the Deaf community.
• Son’s Firing: A recent injustice reopened old wounds but highlighted my son’s resilience and my need to let go.
• Broader Insight: Societal constructs like religion obscure our power; only we can break free by rebuilding through faith.
• Growth Through Challenges: All adversity is an opportunity to strengthen faith and grow.

We walk by faith, not by sight.